The Affects of Bad Choices

Guilt - it can be devastating…

'O Lord , don’t rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your rage! Your arrows have struck deep, and your blows are crushing me.

Because of your anger, my whole body is sick; my health is broken because of my sins. My guilt overwhelms me— it is a burden too heavy to bear.

My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins. I am bent over and racked with pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief.

A raging fever burns within me, and my health is broken. I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart.

You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh. My heart beats wildly, my strength fails, and I am going blind. My loved ones and friends stay away, fearing my disease. Even my own family stands at a distance. ' Psalms 38:1-11

when i was spiraling out of control, besides the shame, i physically was worn down. mentally and emotionally, the constant thoughts of how i failed and how i made my family suffer took a heavy toll on me. while i don’t believe i was ever at a point of no return and would have been admitted for psychological evaluation, my soul - internally i was broken.

this chapter is a reminder of how bad things can be when we ultimately choose the world, the sins that lead to death, over God and His saving grace through Jesus. The Lord will be angry and will have to discipline me; i’ll be crushed emotionally; have to carry a heavy burden; body full of pain; exhausted and anguished; being lonely.

seriously, who wants to live a life of misery and sadness. pretty crazy to think that is what i was after for so many years. i know each of us has our own journey and some have never had to go through these kind of feelings and turmoil and had to deal with after affects. trust me, whatever you are chasing after in this world that isn’t aligned with what The Word teaches us, it isn’t worth the temporary ‘high’ as the cost is too high for a zero sum gain in the end.

dear Heavenly Father, thank you for taking the pain away, for the healing and redemption you provided through the shedding of blood of your Son, Jesus. that through grace by faith, i am redeemed and set free. in your Powerful and Majestic Name i pray Lord, amen!