Defiling mind and body

temporary pleasure can lead to death…

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. ~1 corinthians 6:18-20~

without fail, this part of ungodly living has lead to more trouble in my life than other sins. while it is easy to blame it on not having a father to guide me through relationships, my drug/alcohol use, living a lifestyle of excess, what it really came down to was my desires - loving the world and all it was reportedly offering vs. walking as a Christian and loving God only.

pride is a big part of it. i this, i that, me this, me that - i deserve to be happy; no one is getting hurt by my addictions; it’s only sex, so forth and so on. just meaningless emotions because i earned it, i was due, this was owed to me. all the bullshit that i would make up just to make it sound good, that it was ok since no one was really ‘getting hurt’, though we know that is the lie that the devil tells you and i heard and followed.

in the end, i damaged my family, hurting the ones that trusted and believed in me, all for a fleeting moment of make-believe happiness, not the purity of joy that comes from real deep intimacy with those that you truly love and whom love you back.

it’s been probably over 15 years since i last went to the strip clubs, korean bars, nightclubs, watched porn and lived that debauched life. when looking forward to my relationship with The Lord and my family, the joy i truly sought was there right along and i just needed to develop and nurture it. no longer do i desire for those things that are temporary for what is actually lasting. it may not have been easy in the beginning, over time it becomes less and less desirable when you understand how much more you get from what you got instead of what wasn’t yours to begin with.

dear Heavenly Father, thank you for helping me through those lonely, dark days where life was so upside down with my thinking, attitude, and how i lived out my life. thank you Lord Jesus for being the model of how right living is supposed to be, and that your love for me trumped all, allowing me to break free from the things of this world. help me not to go backwards in our relationship. teach me to love my family and those around me as you do i. in your beautiful and wonderous name i pray, amen!