Faith - is seeing not believing

is it bad to want to see…

'And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over.” But Jesus overheard them and said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid. Just have faith.” And the girl, who was twelve years old, immediately stood up and walked around! They were overwhelmed and totally amazed. He went inside and asked, “Why all this commotion and weeping? The child isn’t dead; she’s only asleep.” ' Mark 5:34,36,39,42

i do struggle with what faith should look like. not that i don’t understand the meaning or concept. only in my weakened, human self do i find myself wanting to still “see” so that i have something tangible to hold on to.

trusting God that all will work out during my bout with covid; trusting that His hands of covering would be on my family so they don’t get sick; that i will not be affected by it, short or long term; i’ll be back to work and able to function properly and fully.

this may sound trivial to most, yet it is a conversation that i have inside, not with God - though it probably could be interchangeable, as i pray and have asked for the things above to not happen.

even though i was ‘not dead’, sometimes my faith seems as if i already am. not unbelieving, simply not strong enough to declare it different or otherwise if you looked at me.

there are times i have cried out to God, asking for a sign, a prompting, an audible, and while i haven’t seen or heard anything that i can concretely say it was Him, i do believe He is still here with me, with my family. that, i can say with certainty, has not changed what i know about The Lord.

Jesus reminds us of the following: 1) you need faith to make you well - no more suffering because of it; 2) you need not be afraid, but you need to have faith - when he did his daughter was healed.

dear Heavenly Father, sorry that my faith is still a work in progress; that i sometimes ask you to reveal yourself because i really need you, your presence Lord Jesus, that nothing else could satisfy. may my life be lived out in a manner that does please you, brings you glory Father. in Jesus’ name i pray, amen!